Addiction-One Man's Story by Loretta
There is a wide array of situations you can experience that can challenge your inner peace, trigger various reactions or prevent you from overcoming unwanted behaviors. Your responses to these situations may fluctuate according to your mental and emotional health, which are tightly intertwined. When people struggle with short-term emotional dysregulation, such as with PMS, riding the wave of emotions is doable because they become familiar with the symptoms and learn how to manage them. When other emotional dysregulations present themselves, such as with grief, you can take the steps to work through each of the phases with or without help. What if an escape could be found and easily accessed at any time? What if you didn’t have to feel anything bad?
This was the case for Benny, who discovered a way for himself to feel good whenever he started to feel down with fairly little effort. In fact, all he had to do was take a pill. Initially, the pill was prescribed to him as a pain reducer while he recovered from a car accident. Benny never intended to abuse the medication, however, he gradually became aware of the high and began to crave it. His girlfriend joined him and they started buying on the streets. After his third child turned two they talked about quitting, but Benny wasn’t ready to let go. While she worked on quitting he continued using behind her back. Eventually she found out and Benny was forced to move out of their home, away from her and his son. He was devastated. About two months later Benny was sold fentanyl and almost died of an overdose. His family, including his mom and brothers, insisted he go into rehab. Benny went to rehab to put them at ease only to find that his girlfriend had relapsed and died of an overdose when he returned. He had no chance of restoring their relationship, and was not allowed to see his son for a long time. He sank into a deep depression and started using drugs again.
Benny struggled for years with addiction before being able to overcome it. He had multiple overdoses and would go to rehab because others insisted. During those years he certainly did not feel capable of being the father he thought his children deserved. When I gathered Benny’s story I asked him “Initially you went into rehab for other people…when did things shift and what has been most helpful to you to stay clean?” Benny responded “One day my oldest son talked with me, I had missed his graduation for being at rehab, and he told me I was a great father to him growing up and I needed to stop and be that same father to his sister and brother. That hit me hard and made me really think, so I prayed for the strength to get help and stay sober this time. The most helpful thing is my children…they need me.”
Some people are predisposed to addiction and struggle with the ability to resist professional help when faced with an emotional battle. In Benny’s story, his battle began with a need for physical relief. The relief he received exposed him to an artificial high that lead him into a battle he was able to overcome with the help from God, the love from his children, and his choice to receive counseling for himself to live a better life. Benny has been sober for almost four years and is engaged to be married. His children are blessed to have a father who values them enough to stay sober for their sake and his own.
When I asked Benny if he had any suggestions on how to help people know that their lives, and what they do, matters he said “…all of our lives matter but we just have to be sober to actually realize and see this.”